Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
