the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ambien. No doubt about it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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