i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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