i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
