I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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