Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
