sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
