All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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