Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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