i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
