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I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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