There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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