i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
