the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
