I could make wine with my vomit
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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