Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize