tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sobbing to NWA
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
