He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have already put on my inside pants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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