wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
