im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
