God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Congratulations! We have a period
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
