i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
