Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
