just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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