How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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