so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
