he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
