Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
