I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
