Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
