One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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