I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
