quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
