dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
