Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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