I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
