Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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