Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How does one acquire holy water?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
