My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
