Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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