I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't deserve a penis
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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