So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
