i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drake has all the answers
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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