Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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