Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
