nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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