My room smells like vodka and shame
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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