How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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