You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
