i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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