If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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