Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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