I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize