I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i came on her dog
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i now understand why vodka
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
