and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
