I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think my vagina is haunted
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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