I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
