Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
