Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
