I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
