I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
