We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's shark week go big or go home
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
