He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
