guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize