No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
