i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
