We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
