God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
