I accidentally had phone sex last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
