can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
