Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
