Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
